Here is an excerpt of my competition journal... the
first time around... and how/why I decided to keep going.... written on 6/14/03- 4
weeks out
...and I apologize to you and
anyone else reading because I AM bitchy as hell right now. No TOM, but dammit... I
feel like PMS x458740975 every single day. Often in the past 2 weeks I have been
near tears at all times. Granted some of it is due to my utter hatred of my job, the
fact that this is father's day weekend, other general stress, but I know this is also
exacerbating it big time.
The reason I am posting this stuff is
for you and others who may have been told a happy little competing tale (emphasis on TALE)
and are not so privy to what actually goes on. For one thing, the diets many of the
competitors share with you are NOT the last 4 weeks.... they are more likely where they
STARTED dieting. NOT the reality of the last 4 weeks. No wonder so many do not
count calories- simply follow something their trainer gave them.... they would probably
freak if they knew how few calories they did consume. I may not be representative of
EVERYONE who does this competition stuff, but I know damn well it is very very typical.
BUT does anyone pass out these dirty little secrets, HELL NO! I think I was
going into this more realistically than most and I am learning very quickly that this is
NOT what I want. NO it is NOT worth it... but I will follow through on what I
started. I want to quit. I want to say F*CK it. But one reason I
am sticking it out now is to EDUCATE people on what goes on. No one else really has
had the balls to tell it like it is. If I discourage a few from competing, I am
sorry, because if you have your heart in it and want to do it, I will support you 110%,
but know that this is what you are facing.... also I will never ever ever compare myself
to a stage body after this. This is NOT healthy. This is NOT fun. This
is NOT how I will live the rest of my life..... but I guess I will find out if it is
possible for me to achieve my goal body and what it really does take. I want to do
fitness modeling and fitness promotion.... but is this what it will take everyday to do
it? I don't know if it is for me then? At least not if I have to work another
full-time job besides... Maybe if I have a husband to help with expenses and
time-restraints, then maybe it is possible, but then it is a huge strain on being social
(and no I don't rely on food to have fun, but this restriction is TOO much) and that
effects one's entire family- selfish?
I am learning a lot about myself.
I am seeing how much willpower I have. I am strengthening my resolve in this
endeavor and others..... In the past, I have given up too soon (like now) or
whatever. I want to start my own businesses.... will I ever succeed if I give up
when things get ugly? NO. I need to push through to get to the reward.
So in that sense, it is worth it. I think?
So I guess instead of quitting
and giving up, I will use this hell to show others the reality here. Then I will
feel like this is not in vain.
The Feedback:
k-la, despite what
others think, you are a guru! You are a guru in the fact that you know what works for you.
Others may think they know it all because they have been in more than one show, but they
only know what works for them and not everyone else. I have appreciated your journals
honesty and found it quite interesting to actually read the truth of how a comp diet
affects you emotionally and physically. It seems to me that there are people on this board
trying to almost take over and take center stage because they think they know more than
everyone else. This board isn't about that, it is about support and difference of
opinions, not cat fights and little digs towards one another in journals. Keep on
journaling, I would love to see how you maintain and how you rebound after a strict diet.
Keep on being honest, it is quite refreshing! Jamie
(7/16/03)
Kristie, I think a lot of us have learned so
much from you about the 'backstage' reality of a competition and for that, I thank you.
I also thank you for your complete honesty, your lack of bull, your ability to be
real, open, flat out truthful about your accomplishments w/out embellishing the truth like
we've seen before and at the same time, able to laugh and poke fun of yourself, especially
about what you perceive as faults or failures. You've shown us ALL the parts of what goes
into preparing for and participating in, a competition and you've done so w/out begging
for adulation or praise or affecting an 'attitude.' The only thing that matters is
that you're walking your talk and no one can take the fact that you're 100% REAL away from
you, no matter what is said. What you've posted here will help others who are starting the
path you walked. No BS about it Kristi, you're the real deal, and as far as gurus
go? Dr. Phil'd be damn proud of you. Mindi (7/15/03)
CONGRATS for getting
on stage. You set a goal, you worked hard, had your ups & downs, but you MADE
IT!!! That is what is extraordinary!!! Can't wait to see what's next.
Enjoy your time off, and your DDP!!! Hmmm...maybe you can be their
spokesperson?? For after competition indulgence!!! Thx. for letting us peek
into your journey. Hula (7/15/03)
I
gotta admit, you did pull it out of your ass, but that before and after was about 6 mos
too. Can't believe the diff!!! You rock Kristi, good job!!! Can't wait to see whats next.
Maybe if you do another one we can do it together??? Hmmm? Wow you just look fabulous, you
are inspiring me to get myself back together!!! You did it!!! FABULOUS!!! Carrie (7/14/03)
Kristi,
we've been emailing but I did want to drop in and add myself to your long list of
admirers!!! Glad my own bitching and whining seemed to pull you out of your slump at
times and glad my inspirational ass kickings worked as planned! YOU ROCK! and I am so proud of you!!!!
Deb (7/14/03)
Congratulations, Kristi. You have made us all so
proud!!! Thank you for taking the time and energy to record your thoughts throughout
your contest prep and after. Even when you were tired and cranky and feeling awful, you
still took the time to tell us what was happening. I don't know if I could do that - if I
feel shitty or super tired, I just don't post at all.I hope you will allow yourself a
break to rest both physically and mentally. You did such an awesome job and you put
yourselfd through hell.(Also, I LOVE LOVE LOVE your tip on writing that stuff in a
notebook. I am going to start doing that! I believe that it works.) Michelle (7/13/03)
Kristi, I hope you're enjoying good food and
your DDP...hell, have the real thing too! And I wanted to echo Michelle's sentiments
on the positive affirmations. What a super great plan! I can't believe I let
something so easy and powerful like that slip my mind. I'm incorporating it into my
new daily plan as well. Thank you so much for posting this journal. Your
wealth of information is so useful to others and your honesty is captivating, and frankly
a breath of fresh air...not to mention infectious! Rest, relax, and enjoy yourself.
You deserve it! (Melanie 7/13/03)
NO
BIGGIE?? IT was huge...you were on the stage and reached your goal.....as you have heard
before just being there makes you a winner...and you are the Winner's winner today!! You looked great up there and all your hard work
showed. Paula (7/13/03)
Kristi, I am one who
reads your journal without fail. You look absolutely lovely and I am very happy for you.
Thank you very much for sharing your journey. Terry (7/12/03)
Kristi
~ you look stunning and your suits are great! Way to go on achieving your dreams and
not letting fear or negativity or anyone stand in your way. You are "more human
than human" as Jeremy might say, and you are a benchmark for anyone who wants to
compete! Enjoy your food and your rest! Melanie (7/12/03)
WOW!!! KRISTI
!!! You have done an
amazing job! The shoulders, pecs, arms, legs - EVERYTHING!
I have enjoyed reading about your journey on a daily basis. Congratulations
and you have many thoughts from many people with you today!!!! Can't wait to hear
all about it!!! Steph (7/12/03)
Hey Kristi,
I am another lurker that has been reading your journal for the past few months every day.
It was so refreshing to see someone honestly talk about the pain of competing so vividly.
You are already a winner in my book before you even step on that stage just to have
survived so much and achieved what you have. JC
(7/10/03)
Hey Kristi, you're keeping this journal
in Word I hope? You need to get it published after this is all over. Let's think of a
catchy title.... Mindi (6/21/03)
Hi, Kristi , I just wanted to pop in to
say hi and that I am very glad that you decided to stick around and post in your journal.
I read your journal faithfully each day. Reading your competition journey the last few
weeks has inspired me so much. Thank you for being so honest, open and laying everything
out about what it really takes to get there. I always suspected that it wasn't as easy as
some people made it out to be. I am planning to do a show next spring so this has helped
me so much. ~Kelly (6/19/03)
LOVE your disclaimer, Kristi! About
that bitchiness....bring it girl. That's what your journal is for and I will read
intently! This thing is almost as good as Harry Potter book!
Keep driving toward those goals, honey....you're almost there and you look
fantastic! Can't wait to see your stage pics!! Much love, Melanie (6/16/03)
Kristi - SO HAPPY
and grateful you're posting... So thanks for
sharing your journey with us with brutal honesty....trust in YOURSELF no matter the
feedback you get.
You are awesome. You
can do this because you WANT it - no other reason.
Chin, up WINNER! ~Jamie (6/14/03)
Kristi!
Girlie, I am MASSIVELY grateful for your honesty in your
journal. All the comp info I want is in here and there's no BS, just the dirty facts and I
love that. I want the dirt, the truth and you're giving to us, it's great that you do
this. As my mind turns more to competing this is exactly what I need to be reading, YOU
ROCK! Annie (6/14/03)
Kristi - have you thought of writing a
book about this experience when you are done? I'll bet it would really sell!!
Michelle (6/14/03)
Just popping in to add to the cheering
section. Your honest and frankness is admirable. You do what's best for you. No one here
will ever be able to doubt your will, dedication or steadfastness in your quest to get up
on stage. You rock girl. Jackie (6/14/03)
Kristi - this is SO IMPORTANT what you
are doing here...IMO...I do not recall reading such an HONEST pre-comp journal. Anywhere.
EVER. I agree - this 'experiment' would make a
great book or at the very least an article (I'm sure that none of the fitness mags would
take it though, since it's basically putting down their bread and butter...maybe
"Health" or "Vanity Fair"? ~Karen
(6/15/03)
Kristi - I smile when I read your posts
from the last few days - I think I related to you on the L&S board that this
competition stuff is not all what it seems...I'm glad you see now what I was referring to
- the secret lives of body builders. just be glad you are doing figure - I don't think you
go through some of the extremes that some BBs do. The thing I don't understand though -
did you really think it was going to be easier? really? … You are right about the
costs - the costs add up even more - hair, nails, tanning, show bikini bite, dream tan,
shoes and most of all TIME!!! TIME!!! All the time time spent preparing food, training,
etc is extremely consuming. It's the biggest factor for my family when we sit down and
discuss doing a contest. I feel for you Kristi
- keep it going and think POSITIVE, OK!? You
are almost there! Susan (6/15/03)
Hi, K-la. I am not sure if I've ever
commented here. I have to say that I love your journal. Sometimes I get really bored at
work and I love your long entries (I find it funny that you write them when YOU are bored
at work). I really want to thank you for your honesty. It helps me with my
goals. When I first started lifting weights (1.5 years ago), I thought I could look like
the gals in the magazines if I ate clean and worked out BFL style. I know now that I
cannot. But I am glad I know it. Stay strong. I know you can do it. Louise (6/13/03)
Thank you (((Kristi)))! You have no idea how much your honesty and
straightforwardness will keep MANY of us from feeling like slugs and losers, simply
because we can't get the results we see comp. people get, because we DON'T KNOW what it
REALLY takes..... I admire you for you having the guts to be real and I admire you for
hanging tough in what seems to me to be, a tougher than tough, lifestyle. You GO girl!!!! ~Mindy (6/14/03)
Kristi, I guess you spilled the beans
that dieting for comp is a bitch!!! (6/14/03)
Kristi! I am so glad that the truth is finally coming out. I know
that us non-competitors feel like losers sometimes because we can't see the same results
as the competitors who say it is so easy and than we wonder why we are failures. I am glad
to see that finally someone admits that it is starvation getting them to the stage and not
laying out other BS to make pre-comp dieting look easy. You have just given me a boost of
confidence in myself and another reason that I should be happy with the way I am! Kudos to
you girl, I know thatyou can stick it out and rock the stage! Jamie (6/14/03)
Miss Kristi ... stop journalling here
and I will hunt you down and hurt you ~ I lift - I can do it. I love to read your
journal and I know many others here do too. We all learn a lot from your journal... not
just about what it takes for competing, but actually stuff that can be adapted to living
as a non-competitor. You just keep your cute little hiney right where it is. ~Margaret (6/10/03)
Kristi,
I'm so glad you decided to come back. And give us the ugly truth about comp preparations.
I think too many of us have this rosy picture that if we just do our workouts and eat
clean, that's enough and that anyone can get up on a stage smile. From all that I've read
and seen, what you are going through is the way it is- at least the first time round. I
see the competitors at my gym there doing hours and hours of cardio and weights and eating
4 oz of chicken. I know I couldn't do it.
Hold your head high- you're gonna get thru this and have a great time on show day, and
know you accomplished something most of us mortals won't even attempt :)
And please, keep telling us the truth! Mel (6/13/03)
Hi Kristi By the way, I find your
journal very inspiring and screw those naysayers! Keep working hard and living your
dreams!! Cheryl (6/5//03)
Thanks for continuing to share your
progress with those of us who support you and are reveling in your success!
Keep up the great work! Jaime (6/3/03)
Hi Kristi-- Just re-delurking to
say I'm enjoying your journal quite a bit :-) I'm a big fan of NHE and suspect that I have
some problems with insulin resistance as well. It's exciting to see someone who's
considering using this plan for a contest cut! Laura said your journal was interesting, so
I had to come check it out. She was right :-) Hope
you keep having success cutting in this manner! ---dag
(5/27/03)
Hi Kristi:
I am a fellow lurker in Kristi's Little Experiment and read it almost daily. Keri K (5/26/03)
I am another who reads you journal and
is continually inspired by you and your aspiration to compete in July. I am amazed at your
strength in dealing with some of what life has thrown you.
Cheryl (5/9/03)
Hi Kristi, I'm really enjoying
following your journey! I think your enthusiasm has rubbed off on me, and I'm back at it
HARD! I could never compete (the ol' bod has too much abdominal scarring from 8 c-sections
with vertical incisions plus an obscene amount of stretch marks!), but I wouldn't mind
pretending! I'm way low carb, too, as I seem to have the same probs as you with cravings,
etc. I also bloat as soon as I look at a carb. I want to know more about NHE, but I'm
hesitant to buy yet one more book. I hope you don't mind if I just sort of rip off what
you're doing!?! Thanks for the encouragement--I can't wait to see your contest pix!
Fernie (5/6/03)
Your journal has been very informative
and some of the points you touched on and researched have been eye opening for me. I
have similar issues as you, even the part about your thoughts about bulimia. I do
have depression and I've always thought that it was due to hypothyroidism. The
symptoms are so common and hard to isolate. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and
your openness! (Lina 5/5/03)
Hey....keep
this journal just the way it is!!! I just find so much enjoyment and sometimes comfort
from reading it!!! You GO, girl!!! Sue (5/4/03)
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